Theatre Etiquette 101

The new season is upon us, and it seems the perfect time to muse upon the very essence of theatre.  Unlike movies or television, it is an interactive experience.  No matter how phenomenal a movie or tv show, it lacks the energy and the passion of live theatre – because a camera doesn't respond the way a good live audience does . . . or should.

Which caused the Theater Babe to wonder:  what makes a good audience?  And, pondering, the Babe decided that while characteristics of a good audience are many and varied, perhaps it would be more useful in this particular forum to identify the characteristics of a bad audience member.  Because nothing can ruin an otherwise delightful theatre experience more quickly than that rude idiot sitting next to, in front of or across from you.

So the Theater Babe respectfully submits the Six Commandments for Audience Etiquette.  Of course, if you're reading this blog, certainly you know them . . . but perhaps they're worth reviewing so you can share them with your less cultured family, friends or coworkers who accompany you to the next performance.

1.         Thou Shalt Arrive On Time.

Little is as disruptive as the Idiotic Audience Member who arrives late and insists on taking her seat during the middle of a scene, blithely ignoring the fact that she's climbing over the knees of other patrons, blocking the view of dozens of people who had the courtesy to arrive on time and completely intruding upon the magical world the performers and production team have labored to create.

Now, things happen.  The babysitter runs late.  The waiter at your pre-theatre nosh forgets to return your credit card before he goes on break.  Things happen.  But if you do arrive late, pay the penalty for your untimely arrival – even if it wasn't your fault.  Stand in the back or in the lobby until a scene change and then, quietly and as unobtrusively as possible, slink into your seat.

2.         Thou Shalt Not Crinkle a Candy Wrapper.

To Idiotic Audience Member, it is a small, innocent, refreshing peppermint wrapped in clear plastic.  To the poor souls who have the misfortune of sitting near IAM, however, it is an instrument of torture no less horrifying than those employed during the Spanish Inquisition.

That seemingly tiny, insignificant sound is amplified exponentially in a quiet theatre, and it distracts from the action and dialogue onstage.  Don't be rude.  Enjoy your treat after the performance. 

3.         Thou Shalt Practice Good Personal Hygiene.

In most cases, even Idiotic Audience Member knows not to head to the theatre directly after mowing the lawn or running a marathon.  But there are other, perhaps more subtle, means of malodorousness that are just as distracting to fellow patrons of the dramatic arts.  Don't gobble down your Garlic and Bean Burrito before the show.  And do remember that scent of any kind – perfume, aftershave, cologne, whatever – is meant to be discovered, not displayed.

4.         Thou Shalt Reward the Effort, If Not the Quality, of the Performance.

This may be the most controversial Commandment – there is, after all, a school of thought that says a performer must earn applause, and a lack of audience response simply denotes an unworthy performance.

In the Theater Babe's humble but perfectly correct opinion, that may be true if you've plunked down $100 to watch a professional ensemble.  But this blog is dedicated to community theatre, and every single person on stage is a volunteer who has spent countless hours learning his role and performing it to the best of his ability.  Not to mention that the applause also rewards the production team and crew who, sight unseen, work to entertain you.

So reward the effort, regardless of the caliber of the performance.  Distinguish a truly exceptional performance by applauding more enthusiastically, bringing flowers or posting a kind comment on their Facebook page.  Don't sit on your hands in silent protest of one that you believe to be sub-par.  

5.         Thou Shalt Keep Thy Trap Shut.

Idiotic Audience Member seems to forget where she is, and during a performance chitchats with her friends as if they were sitting on a sofa in her living room, watching tv.  But at the theatre, IAM is surrounded by the rest of us who don't care what she has to say – no matter how witty or erudite.

Similarly, the Theater Babe is certain IAM was spectacular when she played the role in high school and that she can still quote every line. And the Babe does not for an instant doubt that Other Idiotic Audience Member sounds much better belting that song in the shower than does the actor currently rendering it onstage, which is why he insists on singing along.  Nonetheless, we came to see the actors and, except where specifically invited, there's no such thing as Audience Participation Night.  Keep thy trap shut.

and, last but certainly not least . . .

6.         Thou Shalt Ignore Thy Cell Phone.

Silent mode does not make the cell phone invisible.

The lit screen of a cell phone is an unwelcome beacon in a darkened theatre and utterly destroys the mood of the moment.  If there's some legitimate need for someone to reach you during the show, sit in the back row and step into the lobby before you read – much less respond! – to the message.

It's not rocket science – it's all too un-common courtesy.  So encourage your companions to follow these Commandments, and we'll all be better off as we enjoy the fabulous offerings that this new season brings!

© 2012 Hampton Roads Theater Babe.  All Rights Reserved.